Strictly 2022: Week 5 Results show

By The Recs SCD 2 years ago

After a particularly barmy theme week, which celebs were heading to the Bottom Two?

As theme weeks go, last night’s Strictly Come Dancing was probably as bad as it gets. “Centenary Week” was more like “Load of Old Bobbins Week”. 

The best dances (Helen, Hamza) were decent but nothing to get pulses’ racing! At the other end, some pairings were absolutely scuppered by terrible theming. An example: there have been six series of Line of Duty but we couldn’t hum the theme if AC-12 were staring at us across the investigation table of conflict. And after Will’s dance, we still couldn’t. Likewise, a foxtrot to the Julia’s Theme / Eastenders theme mash-up was doomed before FAMILY MAN James danced a step. 

All images by BBC/Kieron McCarron

There was a time where Couple’s Choice was seen as a free pass. A dance especially designed to showcase a celeb’s particular skills. Or to express their long-held dance dream. If anyone claims that a ‘street’ dance to the Grange Hill theme was Molly and Carlos’ dream, we’ll call them a stranger to the truth. Even Zammo, high on heroin, wouldn’t have felt inclined to dance to the Grange Hill theme. The mash dripping off Carlos’ face mirroring his dignity deserved a sympathy vote. 

And just when The Recs begins to question if the Strictly producers remotely know what they are doing, suddenly we have Shirtless Vito in the group dance. And – woof – last night’s grumbles are strangely a distant memory!

Might have to turn the heating down. A bit of sand kicking, some flames and a bit of smoke wafting in pyjamas – yes that really says Natural History. It really does…

Dolphins will certainly be alerted to the fact that James and Amy are through given the latter’s high-pitched squeals. First couple to be swathed in the Red Light of Doom is Molly and Carlos. As we said earlier, no-one could have done anything with that music. Felt very sorry for Molly.

Giovanni and Luba did some sexy strut’n’spin combo while Becky Hill, dressed as a latter-day  Yootha Joyce prepared to enter the Crystal Maze Dome to collect foil tokens. 

Please don’t leave Nikita and Ellie for so long – Nikita looked like he was going to burst into tears! Completing the Bottom Two are Jayde and Dianne. “Strongest entertainers” said Shirley, damning Jayde with faint praise. It’s not Strictly Come Entertaining, is it?

Why did Jayde Adams go?

Her dance was not good. Not to be too much of a technocrat, but most Charlestons involve picking your feet off the floor at some point. But dance steps have not received the same priority as “entertainment” and “personality” in Jayde and Karen’s dances. If anything, Jayde’s dancing has got worse as the competition has progressed.

Strangely under-critiqued and over-marked by the Judges, you can’t blame Jayde for not deviating from the larking-about formula. 

Did her singing at the piano at the start seem self-indulgent? Had she played too many Strictly superfan / sob story / doing it for my Nan / always dreamt of dancing to *checks notes for what song has always been her favourite* / Victoria Wood was my hero cards? 

Or possibly did the public want a comedian not to be so earnest?

But let’s forget the pudding bowl wigs – well done, Jayde – you’ll always have Flashdance!

Image by BBC/Guy Levy