Never Mind the Happy: Showbiz Stories from A Sore Winner ★★★★

Each battle scar comes with its own story, and as he recalls his adventures, he names names. Mostly. (One actress — “Briana Moonglow” — who stole the band charts he wrote for her nightclub act without paying him, remains a tantalizing secret.) The list of divas he’s collaborated with is impressively long — Barbra Streisand, Carol Channing, Whoopi Goldberg, Mariah Carey, Raquel Welch, and Harry Connick Jr., among many others — and the anecdotes are so tasty it’s hard to read one and not keep going. The standout: the chapter in which he recounts hosting a party where a tripped-out Stephen Sondheim embarrassed himself so much that he asked Shaiman not to tell anyone the details until after his death.

 Shaiman has had decades-long working relationships with Bette Midler (starting when he was just 17!), Billy Crystal (those brilliant Oscar medleys), and Martin Short (Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me), so each gets at least a chapter apiece. Among the Broadway shows, Hairspray deservedly gets the most copy, and it’s fascinating to discover how two beloved songs from that show — “(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs” and “I Know Where I’ve Been” — almost got the knife.

 It’s rare to say this of any book, but Shaiman has so much material to write about that one wishes Never Mind the Happy were actually — brace yourselves — longer. Shaiman’s been very publicly chagrined about the state of Broadway these days, especially since the wonderful Some Like It Hot closed at a loss. And as the shows that got mixed reviews — Catch Me If You Can, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and last season’s Smash — all came and went quite quickly, it invites curiosity about his behind-the-scenes take on why those productions struggled.