Gwyneth Goes Skiing ★★★★★ and I Wish You Well The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski-Trial Musical ★★

Gwyneth Paltrow. Oscar-winning actress. Business woman and Gooperstar. Conscious uncouplée from Coldplay’s Chris Martin. What can you say about her? Well quite a lot it as it turns out with two shows Gwyneth Goes Skiing and (deep breath) I Wish You Well – The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski-Trial Musical at the 2024 Fringe retelling the story in very different ways!

Thinking about what made the 2023 Utah trial between Gwyneth and retired optometrist Terry Sanderson such compulsive viewing is that at the heart of it, amidst the suing and counter suing, was that it was so profoundly stupid.

What Awkward Productions’ take does incredibly well is to grasp such dizzyingly dumb source material and ramp up the silliness, turning it into a high-camp, snow-speckled, fevered fantasia of Queer Joy.

There is a cardboard cutout of the Deer of Deer Valley attached to a clothes rail, there is a snowball fight, there is incredibly sweet audience participation and naturally a QR code so you the jury (the audience) can decide the verdict on your mobiles.

And the gags keep coming: from Gwyneth’s “flawless” English accent to Chris Martin (“the colour of beige personified”), from her daughter Apple (played by a literal apple) to the actress’ complete inability to remember which Marvel films she starred in.

But where Gwyneth Goes Skiing really comes into its own is in Linus Karp‘s magnetic portrayal of Paltrow, perfectly capturing her woozy “oh I’m just a normal Hollywood superstar” condescension that only a Nepo baby can exude! Joseph Martin displays great versatility taking on the dual roles of retired eye doctor and sad man Terry Sanderson, and his lawyer, Kristin Van Orman. Did we mention that VanOrman in this show is a puppet?

Gwyneth Goes Skiing delivers an avalanche of Queer joy, camp delights and BIG laughs with a charm that’s impossible to resist!

One of the first things that strikes you on entering I Wish You Well – The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski-Trial Musical, especially if you do both shows back to back, is that it feels immediately big budget. With three live musicians, a substantial set and a backcloth featuring a drawing of five Gwyneth faces carved into the Utah mountains, it feels expensive and slick.

And slick it certainly is. Choreographed to within an inch of its life by Dame Arlene Phillips, there’s no denying the energy and pizzazz of the show. And while there’s clearly money behind the production, somehow it feels, dare we say, cheap.

The laughs are cheap. Kristin VanOrman becomes Kristin Fangirlin. Dr Terry Sanderson in this becomes Doctor Terry Sightworsen and brace yourself: It’s not Goop anymore; it’s Poop (we kid you not). Then there’s a sequence where Terry is wearing gold lamé pants and fishnets. And when it can sink no lower, they throw in a Baby Reindeer joke.

There is a cast of four with Marc Antolin and Diana Vickers playing the leads as Terry and Gwyneth respectively. Except for some reason they keep fading into the background. Idriss Kargbo who plays the Judge, has charisma to burn and such fierce dance moves that he can command the audience’s attention without even breaking a sweat. And Tori Allen Martin has the kind of devastating comic timing and acting chops that works miracles despite the paucity of the material. Her natural warmth as the star-struck lawyer steals the show – which is slightly problematic in that it’s meant to be about Gwyneth and Terry.

A musical stands or falls on the quality of the songs. Roger Dipper and Rick Pearson‘s score is frustratingly generic and samey. At times it’s hard to tell whether a song is a reprise or just very similar to other tracks. The lyrics are frequently beyond basic: “paedos and rapists” is rhymed with “A-List”, “Gwynnie P” and “not guiltee”. Terry is given a song that is the show’s equivalent to “Roxie” from Chicago: The Musical. Not so much their equivalent but exactly the same song with a couple of notes different and the words changed. Vickers, who does make her presence felt in the songs, undoubtedly has an impressive, powerful voice – but it’s wielded like a weapon. It’s baffling that director Shiv Rabheru and musical director Debbi Clark didn’t suggest an alternative to the constant full-belt, vocal showboating. Some reserve and tonal variety would be so much more engaging. If you like your musicals, brash and bombastic, there will be much for you to enjoy.

The Recs’ verdict is in: in terms of creativity, originality and fun, Gwyneth Goes Skiing is by far the superior of the two shows. As for The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski Trial Musical…we wish you well!