Acorn Antiques The Musical ★★★★★

“What was it muesli? T’was it, muesli?“

“Gainsborough’s Blue Boy? Yes, I think we have it in mauve.“

“Miss Babs, I always think of you when I’m watching the show jumping or grilling a tomato.“

“She’s choking on her own macaroon!”

Even though Acorn Antiques first aired forty years ago, for some people, barely a week will go by without them quoting one of the many unforgettable lines from Victoria Wood‘s iconic spoof soap opera. A few may even be heterosexual.

This recurring sketch from As Seen on TV begat the West End musical in 2005 featuring the original cast members Julie Walters, Celia Imrie and Duncan Preston (provoking some controversy at the time for the expensive pricing – yes, £65 top price really caused a scandal) – which in turn a year later begat a revised touring version, directed by Wood herself, which entirely excised the overlong and tangential first act.

Now almost two decades later, to celebrate Hope Mill Theatre’s 10th anniversary (and to fundraise for that plucky Manchester theatre), directors Joseph Houston and William Whelton have revived that touring version of Acorn Antiques The Musical. But will it be as welcome as varicose veins or as zingy as a lemon-and-lime reusable gusset freshener?

No multi-vitamin-and-truth-drug capsules required: it’s like meeting an old friend. A mad, chaotic, hilarious old friend.

Given that Acorn Antiques spoofed the bad dialogue and awful plots of soap operas like Crossroads and Take The High Road, the musical certainly stays true to that tradition.

The High Street is struggling – and the beloved Antiques Shop run by sisters Miss Babs, Miss Berta and Mr Clifford is no exception. Rent increases mean that big corporate franchises are hovering, ready to pounce. Will the sleepy charm of the wool shop, the bra fitters and the men’s drapers be swept away on a wave of things, pole dancing and the guilty bean coffee shop?

Their troubles don’t end there – Mr Clifford is suffering from amnesia, forgetting his engagement to Miss Berta – with the looming threat that any mention of betrothals could kill him.

Even the ever-dependable cleaning lady Mrs O (“we don’t like her enough to use her full name”) is also about to be confronted by a family revelation shocking enough to upset the macaroon tray!

Stepping into these iconic roles is a big ask, as the original portrayals are so iconic – but the cast deftly provide enough character traits to bring the familiar characters to life, thankfully without ever tipping into impressions. Triple Olivier nominee Katherine Kingsley fills that tweedy twinset with va-va-voom. Picking up the phone only for it to start ringing beautifully recalls the missed cues of the TV series. “Clarice Cliff? She isn’t in. Bye!”

Tony Jayawardena gives a fabulous vacant Mr Clifford, occasionally punctuated with a knowing sly glance to the audience. “I’ll handle this – I have a scrotum.“

The insanely talented Ria Jones wears Mrs Overall’s classic pinny and marigold combo with flair but is never constricted by the character’s many, many mannerisms. She is greeted with a wave of affection on her entrance. There is no laugh not taken, no gurn ungurned and no missed cue nothing less than immaculately timed. That the woman who was the youngest actress to play Eva Peron and who originated the role of Norma Desmond can sing is no surprise. However, it is her exquisite sense of rhythm and comic timing in the showstopping song Macaroons! that generates more laughs than even the great Julie Walters managed.

Not merely content to lampoon ropey soap operas, Victoria Wood cannot resist taking affectionate pot shots at various musical theatre targets. Opening with a hilarious spoof of Chicago, Les Miserables, Sweet Charity and A Chorus Line are all channelled with a wink. “This is like Blood Brothers,” exclaims Mrs O at a flashback, “but shorter with more laughs.”

There are big dance numbers for the whole ensemble to shine. Tip Top Tap is rescued from the culled original first act and shoehorned in as the Act One closer. That the local am-dram group is rehearsing in an antiques shop doesn’t make any sense, but the number is such an exuberant joy, only the flintiest of hearts would complain. Shagarama in Act Two is equally bonkers, but Sammy Murray‘s choreography is witty and eye-catching. It is to the credit of all the cast and creatives that they’ve managed to put a full-scale production together with just nine days of rehearsals, when they could easily have opted for the seemingly omnipresent “concert version” revival.

Of course, Wood was no one-trick pony. As well as making you howl with laughter, she had the knack of finding just the right level of sentiment to lend her work more emotional weight than you’d expect. Gina Beck‘s beautiful ballad, Remind Him, takes the bathos of the love-lorn Miss Berta pining for her amnesiac fiance and moulds it into something filled with genuine pathos. Similarly, the Gents’ Duet, performed by Steve Elias and the inimitable Rob Madge, is a tender and surprisingly moving song that explores a gay couple who lack the words or the courage to express their love for each other. As well as belly laughs, this show also knows how to tug at the heartstrings. Not least with the surprise cameo by an original cast member.

While the show features references that may baffle any millennials in the audience (“U.K. Gold”, “Ted Rogers”, “Frank Bough and Nessa”), there is a remarkably pertinent anti-consumerist message about the decline of the High Street and what we lose with the advance of multinationals not far from the surface. But mostly Acorn Antiques The Musical is a hoot. A palpable hoot. While the table mats are melamine, the hit the show gives is definitely dopamine. What a perfect show for Hope Mill Theatre to celebrate their first decade.